please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
