I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
