i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
