he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
