just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
