Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
