he puts the penis in happiness.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
