I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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