we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
