By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
