I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
They have beer where we have blood.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
