she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
