I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
