I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
