Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
