Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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