11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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