I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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