cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
