not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize