I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize