You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
