dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
