I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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