I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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