I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
50% drunk capacity currently
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
