you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didn't notice because vodka
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
