I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
