You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
