The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
