im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
