Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
