Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
