I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
