Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize