Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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