I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
