Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
tell me about the fingering
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