Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
