He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
