a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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