She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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