my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
