no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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