I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
