I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
