We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
