so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize