I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
3pm strippers are depressing
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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