I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
