We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
