seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize