why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
