Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
