Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
