I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
