I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
