I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
