how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
