I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
